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IF Comp ’10 – Sara Dee’s Mite!

October 29, 2010

Went and saw Jackass 3D last night.  If you’d told me as a kid that someday I would be sitting in a movie theater with 3D glasses on watching a butt made to look like a hillside shoot out feces in slow motion while a model train chugged contentedly past, I would have gone to find a grownup.

Also, I have to admit that reading the search terms that bring people here makes me feel a little inadequate.  Not only do I have absolutely no pornography to offer, not even space barbarian slashfic, I don’t know how to pronounce Adam Cadre (“veerschpelt gefracht?”), how to hide cigarette smoke in a windowless room (stand on a block of ice?), or what diseases you can catch from sausage (sausagetosis?  I don’t know!  Ask Doctor Hotdog!)

What I can do is play a game and post about it.  You’re welcome!

[spoilers begin here]

The thief looked up in your direction, his dusky hood slipping back momentarily, and you were able to make out the curve of an impish smile.
Oh, we’re dealing with a sexy thief.  It’s important to find these things out as soon as possible so we know whether to blunder, through one or a series of improbable mishaps, into a situation where our fate and his are inextricably linked, or just hit him with something and call the cops.

Although I just found out my foot is small and green, so, really, all bets are off.

Oh, and I’m into chicks.  Fine, then, sexy thief fantasy is cancelled.  Vanessa, please pay the hot wax man and send the weimeraners home.

“I followed after him but he got cornered by a nasty spider,”  she continues.  “I tried to free him but I almost got trapped in its web myself!”
What is your thing with spiders and webs, Sara Dee?  For reals yo.

Pixies, check.  Pet ladybugs, check.  Charming little cottages hidden in lilac bushes, check.  We’re balls deep in enemy faeritory, gentlemen.  Keep your parasols loaded at all times.

These puzzles are cute.  I think I want to use the pollen to make the bridge more visible, but I have no idea what verb I want for that.  Cheating.  Oh, PUT POLLEN ON BRIDGE?  I was going for more of a POUR kind of deal.

It would probably be all right if MUSHROOM meant the squat mushroom, since that’s the one you need to interact with.  At least, I would be all right with that.

Oh, wow, I won!  That was really short, and cute, and solid.  Giving it an eight.

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