IF Comp ’08 Review – Harry Wilson’s Lair of the CyberCow!

Update the however manyth this happens to be:  Right.  Okay.  On my desk, I have a brand new Canadian computer.  In this brand new Canadian computer, I have an Adrift 3.9 runner and a copy of Lair of the CyberCow, which I was somewhat cruel to on the grounds that it didn’t do very much.  I have been assured that this was entirely my own damn fault for not running it in the 3.9 runner, although I prefer to blame Splattergroit, Steve Jobs, Andrew Plotkin, and my friend Ben who works for Microsoft and is therefore just generally blameable.

I’m’a just throw the updates to this review in with the old review, with, like, a note or something.  Let’s see if this game can be improved by actually working.

[spoilers start here]

IF Comp ’08 – Simon Christiansen’s Grief!

I am getting this one over with. I don’t want to play it. I don’t think I’m going to like it. When I told Riff I was saving it for the last of the z-code games, he said “Is that really the note you want to end on?” and that is not very promising at all really. I would just skip it, but I have my journalistic integrity to consider. Also I told myself I was going to get on the treadmill today, and this game might make that seem like a really fun idea in comparison. So, here we go. Simon Christiansen’s Grief.

[spoilers begin here whether they like it or not]

IF Comp ’08 Review – David Whyld’s A Date With Death!

I will believe that David Whyld is not a pen name once I’ve seen two forms of ID.

…sorry, it’s just that I would hate for anyone to accidentally confuse me with a serious reviewer of interactive fiction, and posting lolcats is the best way I can think of to prevent that.  (Also ur not antalope!  dis is awkwerd.)

Lolcats aside, I just updated my Splattergroit, and Adrift games seem to be fine now, the upshot of which is that, were I Vincent Price or Diana Rigg or anyone else who does the introductions on PBS, I would now look significantly into the camera and announce, “You and I have a date… with death.”

[here begin the spoilers… with death!]

IF Comp ’08 Review – Leena Ganguli’s Trein!

Another word I’m going to have to look up.  You know, I’d thought I had a fairly good handle on what words meant, but this competition is proving me sadly wrong.

Huh.  As far as I can tell, it’s not an actual word in English.  Okay, no idea what this game’s going to be about.  Time to fire the mofo on up.

[LIVE NUDE SPOILERS]

IF Comp ’08 Review – Doug Egan’s Afflicted!

I’ve got three of the z-code games left that aren’t Grief.  I am saving Grief for last, because I’m fairly sure it’s not going to be a good time, then I’m going to try to find different Mac interpreters or somehow coax Splattergroit into playing the others.  You’re supposed to be some sort of panacea, Splattergroit.  You’re supposed to be this versatile awesome thing.  Yet I have not gotten you to play anything that was not a z-code game.

I’ll figure it out.

Doug Egan sounds like it should be an anagram for something, doesn’t it?  Nude agog?  A undo egg?  Riff tells me this is one of those games that’s going to be all creepy and make me afraid that everyone secretly wants to eat my eyeballs, so I’m going to play it through my fingers.  Are we ready?  Let us begin.

[apres this, les spoilers]

IF Comp ’08 Review – Sean Huxter’s Piracy 2.0!

SPACE PIRATES!

It has been so long since my blog had pictures.  I’m not sure why Sean Huxter’s game gets pictures and no one else’s does… it could be because SPACE PIRATES!  That could be why because.  Also, do these kids not make adorable space pirates?  Give it up for yourselves; you guys are awesome.

Anyway.  Game.  Game about the space pirates.  Pirates in space.  Let’s play it.

[spoilers start right here]

IF Comp ’08 Review – Anonymous’s Freedom!

This is the first game I have any prior knowledge of at all, and I don’t know how to feel about having it. In case you’d rather not have it yourself, I’m’a roll that big old spoiler warning and you can stop reading now.

[spoilers start here]

IF Comp ’08 Review – Jeremy Crockett and Victor Janmey’s Riverside!

I was all about to nosh on some space pirates, but while I was googleimaging for a good picture of someone cosplaying as Captain Harlock, I was informed that I have to play Riverside, so I might as well play it and find out why.

[very spoilery spoilers lie beneath]

IF Comp ’08 Review – Joseph Strom’s Ananachronist!

Is an ananachronist the same thing as an achronist, or an anarchistic anachronist, or what? All I know is that I have a terrible urge to spell it with far too many “an”s, along the lines of banananana dakry, and that the subtitle is “a puzzle in four dimensions,” which intimidates me already. I hope the implementation is natural and not overly confusing.

[spoilers begin here and proceed in a linear fashion]

IF Comp ’08 Review – David Batterham’s Opening Night!

[spoilers haven’t begun yet but if the IF crowd is going to be reading these I feel I should warn them I have a fairly filthy mouth]

I actually opened this game yesterday and thought it looked rather charming, but at the time I was somewhat distracted by the three extremely disgusting and sexually explicit conversations I was having in three different KoL chat channels. Oddly enough, Joan Jett featured prominently in all three, but only in /clan were her testicles anywhere near Willard Scott’s face. It was not the proper time to review what appeared to be a sweet, charming, old-fashioned IF game, is what I’m trying to get across here.

It is now Sunday night and I just got off the phone with my mom, who is being taken to the musical Hair for her sixtieth birthday and hopes she has seats right up front because when she saw it in ‘71 she was too far away from the nudity. There could not be a more appropriate time to play this game.

[okay, spoilers begin here, filthy mouth remains constant]