IF Comp ’08 Review – Doug Egan’s Afflicted!October 7, 2008
I’ve got three of the z-code games left that aren’t Grief. I am saving Grief for last, because I’m fairly sure it’s not going to be a good time, then I’m going to try to find different Mac interpreters or somehow coax Splattergroit into playing the others. You’re supposed to be some sort of panacea, Splattergroit. You’re supposed to be this versatile awesome thing. Yet I have not gotten you to play anything that was not a z-code game.
I’ll figure it out.
Doug Egan sounds like it should be an anagram for something, doesn’t it? Nude agog? A undo egg? Riff tells me this is one of those games that’s going to be all creepy and make me afraid that everyone secretly wants to eat my eyeballs, so I’m going to play it through my fingers. Are we ready? Let us begin.
[apres this, les spoilers]
But as a city sanitarian, you are charged with completing an annual health and safety inspection of every restaurant in your district.
I am the very model of a city sanitarian! I inspect food establishments both meat and vegetarian! In restaurants bacterial, infectious and disease-ridden, I am the… you know, I haven’t entered an action yet, and I’m already thinking this game should’ve been a musical.
Getting the feeling people only go into Nikolai’s to escape gunfire.
Oh, good, it’s closed! I can go home now! See you later, game!
Nikolai’s is likely to have a number of infractions. To record them, “note [something]”.
I get to note infractions! Yay! I is the po-leese!
Anyone else wanna bet this missing stripper got made into hamburgers or something?
I know there is a grand tradition of “take everything in sight, you’ll need it later,” but I’m not sure how hard I should try to get these eyeballs out of the sewer. ‘Cause ick.
The pair of eyes are likely evidence of a ghastly crime, but you falter when trying to assign it as a particular health code violation in your notebook.
That to me sounds like an unforgivable oversight on the part of the local health department. Also, peeing into the grate to raise the water level and bring the eyeballs closer is a classic solution and really ought to work. I suppose as a city sanitarian, though, I might not want to carry urine-soaked eyeballs around.
[Nikolai’s sanitation rating has dropped three points.]
I wonder what drugs Angela is on. Heroin maybe?
An obese man (Nikolai, the owner?) watches you from the balcony.
I somehow knew who Angela was just from seeing her through a window, but I’m not sure about Nikolai?
Inspecting a restaurant for health code violations is fun, which I realize sounds sarcastic but isn’t at all. Look, a mousey! Hi, mousey! I wonder what else I can find to report?
Oooh, Nikolai suffers from an affliction. With big ol’ italics just like that. I wonder if it’s anything like the horrible secret of Animal Crossing?
Nikolai pokes his head out of his office momentarily to shout, “If there’s time to lean, there’s time to clean”.
I hate that phrase. Hate. Hate hate. Right up there with “workin’ hard or hardly workin’?” and “did you order this weather?” Yes. I fucking ordered this weather. Because not only do I even have the capacity to do that, I have really shitty taste in weather. In customer service jobs, you get blamed for plenty of things you have absolutely no control over already; there is no need to involve the fucking weather. Jesus Christ.
A few small typos, things like missing end quotes and capitalization. Not enough to be considered a health code violation, but someone really should clean them up.
The lettuce is more brown than green, and barely a solid.
Lore of the Vampires, huh? You think he might be a… wait, he was all walking around in daylight. Hmm.
Oh, God, I haven’t even been in the bathroom yet. I bet it’s awful.
The latest issue of “Sanitarian’s Monthly Report” identifies this variety of mold as a possible carcinogen.
I told you I was the very model of a city sanitarian.
The cracked, wall mounted soap dispenser is equipped with a lever for dispensing– well, for dispensing whatever the hell Nikolai puts in there.
Nikolai just lost thirty-seven sanitation points. In a row!
I am digging this game. I like that my task is clearly defined (find health code violations, NOTE them, easy as anything). Also I am grokking the effort Doug Egan put into making this bar & grill severely unappetizing. I wonder how many more health code violations I will have to find before the creepy bit starts.
It’s a bit odd that the rat, the mouse, and the cockroach count as separate notes when I write “call exterminator” for all of them.
Wow, Nicolai is a giant dickbag. I think this is where the creepy bit starts.
A tourniquet is a curious thing to find in a restaurant first aid kit. It would only ever be useful to stop major arterial bleeding.
You know, if I were a city sanitator in real life, I’d go home now. Just sayin’.
You are aghast to discover a severed foot festering in the bottom of the cauldron.
I told me.
> say hello
(to the mutilated corpse)
There is no reply.
Well, I finally got those eyeballs I’d been wanting!
You know, if I had body parts and corpses and things lying everywhere, I would not be quite so cavalier about letting health inspectors wander around.
Probably time by now. I liked this. I’m’a give it a nine.