Review – Aaron Reed’s Blue Lacuna, Part Three!February 13, 2009
Want to know what I got done today? Mapping, that’s what! Bunches of it! Want to know whether or not I was amused by a particular section of rainforest in which directions go all wonky and non-Euclidean? To pose the question is to know the answer! By which I mean no, I was not very much amused by that at all, actually!
Other than that, though, this game is pretty damn cool so far. There are all different kinds of cool, of course. I am referring to the kind where your lips form an O and you say “oooh, check this out, this is cool,” and your friend/lover/family member/complete stranger looks over your shoulder and says “oooh, that is cool.” That is the kind I mean. Hope that clears things up.
There will be no Blue Lacuna tomorrow, as I’m going to spend the day looking for a suitable St. Valentine’s Day Massacre game to review. So, um, look forward to that, I guess. If it doesn’t suck. I guess if it does suck it’ll give you a good excuse to cling to your sweetheart and have a nice sob together, which I hear is an important bonding exercise and an excellent prelude to sex.
[spoilers begin here]
Where were we? Oh, right, wandering around looking at things. Let’s get back to that.
A second arrow from the hive points deeper into the forest and is followed by a question mark.
A question mark? Really, like a normal Earth question mark? Do those mean the same thing everywhere?
Oooh, things are beginning to get interesting again.
Giant pile of abandoned unfinished sculptures, eh? The only reason I’ve ever heard for leaving a sculpture unfinished was that otherwise it would come to life. I can’t remember now why this was a bad thing, though, ’cause hey, free kittens.
More writing I can’t read. Gotta find a primer or something.
The paintings seem ancient, far older than anything you’ve seen that Progue created…
Progue? Who’s Progue, the strange man? I object to knowing things before I’ve found them out!
Getting all locationally confused in this forest. We are opening the compass and we are mapping. Yes, mapping! So there!
(seventy-three hours later) This tree is northwest of itself. I find that rather upsetting actually.
Okay, I seem to have missed a few helpful functions. LANDMARKS lists all the landmarks I’ve found, GO TO takes me to them, and GO BACK moves me, well, back. This will be handy. I would still like a functional map just to make sure I’ve been everywhere, but this is good. I like this.
One at a time, you move through all the symbols around the right ear. Each one, it would seem, is a different vowel sound; the missing left ear must be used to change the beginning of the sound to something other than “L.”
Oooh, this must be the language primer I’d wanted, and a pretty damn nifty one it is. I appreciate not actually having to move through all the symbols myself in order to come to that conclusion, too.
So far, Chapter 2 and I have a rhythm going. Right before I get superfrustrated about not knowing what I’m supposed to be doing, it will give me something shiny to poke at. I will poka poka poka until I run out of shiny, then have no idea what to do next, and the cycle continues. This can’t go on indefinitely, can it?
How does my inventory know this is Progue’s pendant? It’s just a pendant I found. I still don’t even know who Progue is.
Oh, the strange man is yelling at me for taking his pendant. He must be Progue. And now I seem to have a chance to guess his name. Fuck yeah, baby, who’s a winner? That’s right, I am. YOU MAY COMMENCE THE SEX-HAVINGS WITH ME SO THAT I MAY PASS MY WINNERY GENES INTO THE BODY OF OUR CHILD!*
The three secrets of the Three Great Men, the Father, the Sculptor, and the Madman, huh? I bet the fourth secret is that they’re all the same dude.
I can’t shake the feeling I’m eating saltwater taffy fruit.
Oh, wow, hi Chapter 3! Progue seems to think I’m a creeper. It was nice of him not to kill me, but I still need to finish my map. (Incidentally, I can’t read the word “creeper” without hearing it in my sister’s central-Wisconsin practically-Minnesota accent. “Oh, ya, he’s a creeper. He’s got a molestache, ya know?”)
Oooh, I’m in my dream. I mean, I’m able to interact with my dream. This is cool.
And now I’m Progue. Even cooler.
…oh, wow, the sisters are exits, and now I am one (sister, not exit). Granted, I’m fairly easily impressed, but so far this game is pretty fucking cool.
I am annoyed, however, with the fact that the directions around this particular windsigh tree are fucked up and irritating to map.
You hear some cautious scrabbling from inside the crack. “Are you still out there?” the muffled voice hisses.
“Oh, good,” says the voice, relieved. “I was starting to think you’d never leave.”
This seems like a good enough time to leave off as any. Maybe if I’m very lucky I will finish this game someday!
* What, why do you have sex? Just for funsies?