Posts Tagged ‘if comp 08’

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IF Comp ’08 Review – xyzzyman’s The Lighthouse!

October 5, 2008

The first thing I’m going to do is to check and see if xyzzy’s been implemented, and if it hasn’t, I’m docking this game half its marks. Let’s get right up in there.

[spoilers are not healthy for children or other living things but they do begin here]

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IF Comp ’08 Review – Jeremy Freese’s Violet!

October 5, 2008

Hard to go wrong with a one-word, evocative, fairly vague title, which makes me think I will either like this or it’ll be too far on the side of the pretentious and the trying-very-hard. Let’s find out together!

[spoilers looming below]

[SERIOUSLY, IF YOU HAVE NOT PLAYED THIS YET, STOP READING SPOILERS ABOUT IT AND GO PLAY IT. IT’S VERY GOOD.]

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IF Comp ’08 Review – Dean Menezes’ The Absolute Worst Game in IF History!

October 4, 2008

Definitely going for something light after that one. Let’s see, what looks like a comedy… Grief is right out. Everybody Dies sounds promising, except that everybody dies. I’m sorry I already did the dog one; that’d’ve been perfect. Hmm. Looks like it’s between Recess at Last, Channel Surfing, and Nerd Quest. The first two are giving me ish with the glblorx thinger being too new, or not new enough, and Nerd Quest – the hell? Java? Folders?

[side rant] You know, I have been sucking on Microsoft’s nipple since I was like six, and although I’m starting to get the hang of this Macintosh, it is still sort of like trying to do everything with my toes. Also what happened to the rest of the apples and the Lisa? [/side rant]

Okay, we will go with the first non-depressing-sounding thing we can get to work, and the winner is… Dean Menezes’ The Absolute Worst Game in IF History! Games like this are generally either pretty damn funny or sort of sad and limp and lukewarm. Hoping for the former.

[spoilers start here]

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IF Comp ’08 Review – Kazuki Mishima’s Buried in Shoes!

October 4, 2008

I’m picking these games based on the titles, and Buried in Shoes is up next ‘cause it made me go “huh?” I mean, it’s a simple enough concept to grasp, buried in shoes, but how someone would get… buried… in shoes… like earlier tonight when Kevin took me in the truck to Del Taco and I was trying to think of one reason for there to be lightbulbs in the glovebox, not even a good reason, just one semi-logical convincing-when-you-squint-at-it reason, and I could not. Buried in shoes? Buried in shoes? Buried in shoes?

[spoilers begin here]

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IF Comp ’08 Review – Hardy the Bulldog and Renee Choba’s Snack Time!

October 4, 2008

Despite my doubts as to Hardy the Bulldog’s actual contribution to this game, I am not yet disposed to despise it (blinking the flowing slows!), because at least it isn’t called Gossamer Albatross:   Eternal the Memories in Form of Game (Sincerity Version).  I shall play it while noshing cold Del Taco fries.  I think that is how Hardy the Bulldog would have wanted it, were he deceased and therefore open to speculation regarding things he would have wanted.

[spoilers begin here]

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IF Comp ’08 Review – Simon No Last Name’s The Hall of the Fount of Artois!

October 4, 2008

I may owe Rick Dague an apology for thinking The Lucubrator was a pretentious title for an IF game.  I had not yet seen The Hall of the Fount of Artois:  An Interactive Distraction, and when I did, my lips actually physically curled.  Not “actually physically” the way people misuse “literally” but really like the molecules in my lips moved three-dimensionally through meatspace, qualifying this as a severely, extremely, irredeemably pretentious-sounding title.  We shall see how the game lives up to this.

…see?  It’s got me being all “we shall see.”  *shudder*

Or, wait, Splattergroit is not wanting to add the .exe?  Huh.  Sorry, Simon No Last Name’s The Hall of the Fount of Artois Subtitle An Interactive Distraction End Subtitle, you’re not going to get a fair review from me, assuming that was even likely.

(Yes, I know the program’s not called Splattergroit, but it might as well be.  Also, Spatterlight?  I hardly know her light!  Am I right?  TRY THE VEAL!)

BRAND NEW EXCITING UPDATE:  I am now able to play this game!  And I am going to!  Is it going to get a fair review?  Oh, fuck no.  I am not sweet and nice, I am evil and mean, which is why Jim Carrey’s character does not want me.

[please to begin spoilers!]

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IF Comp ’08 Review – Rick Dague’s The Lucubrator!

October 4, 2008

As mentioned in the previous review, I hate this game already for being called The Lucubrator, although that’s probably my own fault for not knowing what a lucubrator is. Perhaps if you grow up in a certain part of the world you’re surrounded by lucubrators from a very early age and casually referencing them does not seem at all pretentious. I do feel justified in hating the game’s second sentence, however: “Blinking, the flowing slows.” This is a terrible sentence. It’s possible that Rick Dague is a very lovely person and kind to kittens and the homeless and I am just being unnecessarily mean here but goddamn is that a terrible sentence.

Well, if nothing else, I got to perform an action without being thanked for commenting. Watch and learn, Harry Wilson’s Lair of the CyberCow!

[spoilers begin here]

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IF Comp ’08 Review – Mark Jones’ When Machines Attack!

October 4, 2008

Tonight on Fox!

[here come the spoilers, like sniffin’ dogs]

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IF Comp ’08 Review – Jonathan Hay’s Red Moon!

October 4, 2008

Update, February the fourth, 2009:  I have calmed down a bit and would like to, well, not so much apologize to Jonathan Hay as, say, buy him a muffin, or something.  A cute muffin with maybe a little face or some ears made of frosting.  I am of course referring to the American kind of muffin, which an English friend of mine once described as “cake for fat people.”  Then again, that describes about seventy percent of our non-meat food.  Anyway.  Jonathan Hay?  You, me, muffin, cute little face.  And never ever end your game like that again.

[spoilers begin here]

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IF Comp ’08 Review – Anssi Räisänen’s The Ngah Angah School of Forbidden Wisdom!

October 4, 2008

As you enter the twilight zone of Adventures, you stumble and fall to your knees. In front of you, you can vaguely see the outlines of an Adventure that never was.

SYSTEM ERROR: Checksum error in Acode (.a3c) file (0x22aac5 instead of 0x22aa94).

Well, that would qualify as an adventure that never was.

Update:  I’ve gotten this game working on the new PC, which is kind of sad, ‘cause I really liked this review the way it was.  Still, I promised myself I was going to judge these games as fairly as my arbitrary, biased, inherently unfair system would allow, and that means no skipping Anssi Räisänen’s The Ngah Angah School of Forbidden Wisdom.

Ngah Angah sounds like something you’d say if you accidentally dropped a cigarette on your tongue, doesn’t it?  I mean, you’d be all “ngah!” and then someone would ask you what emotion you were experiencing, and you’d say “angah!”  Then you’d think about it a little and say “Actually, mostly I am experiencing  pain, but that is not an emotion!  Therefore you did not phrase the question as relevantly as you could have done,” to which the other person would respond “Ah, but you are assuming I was curious about your overall condition, not purely your emotional state,” and you’d say “Well, yeah, can’t argue with that,” and go look for a cold beverage.

[spoilers start here after a nice hot shower – be warned that they are very very spoilery, pretty much complete puzzle solutions, so if you do not want that, do not read further, thank you, I love you, there’s ham in the fridge]

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