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IF Comp ’16 – Abigail Corfman’s 16 Ways To Kill A Vampire At McDonald’s!

October 11, 2016

I just ate McDonald’s last weekend for the third time since I saw the movie Super Size Me twelve years ago. 

This is how it happened: I was standing behind the counter in the organic grocery store where I work, surrounded by kamut berries & sprouted spelt flour & shoppers arguing about the micronutrient profile of kimchi. My boyfriend walked in, trailing the scent of cigarette smoke & corporate interests, and handed me a soft, paper-wrapped, hockey-puck-shaped object.

It turned out to be a fucking McGriddle. I love McGriddles. There’s just something about the combination of fake maple & heartlessly murdered mistreated dead animal on a pillow-soft bun that adds up to delicious, and I’m not even kidding.

So I huddled in the corner & shoved the unholy thing into my face like a rodent afraid of the winter.

That story doesn’t have a punchline. Maybe not all stories should have punchlines. Maybe our expectations of stories are forcing us into narrow channels where we’re only using five percent of our neurons & experiencing eight percent of our joy.

[spoilers begin here]

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IF Comp ’16 – Amelia Pinnola’s Take!

October 6, 2016

There is nothing you can’t take.

The previous sentence seriously, is the first thing I intend to take. After that, the sun.

[hold on to your blog readers because this looks like it’s going to get real nutty]

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IF Comp ’16 – Adam Bredenberg & Danial Mohammed Khan-Yousufzai’s Fallen Leaves!

October 2, 2016

It’s an interactive sonnet. When I first read that, I thought “dear God, can I just skip this one like I do horror games, because I neither appreciate nor understand poetry?”

Then I saw that it sometimes generates erotic content & I was right back on board.

[spoilers begin here]

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IF Comp ’16 – Adam Whybray & Edgar Allan Poe’s Evermore!

October 2, 2016

Okay, wait a minute, I have a joke for this. Evermore is that, that thing that lets you keep all your notes across different devices, except it’s for ravens.

Maybe I don’t have a joke for this.

[spoilers begin here]

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IF Comp ’15 – Hanon Ondricek’s The Baker of Shireton!

October 3, 2015

You are the Baker of Shireton.  The bread you bake is delicious.  Raiders are coming.

Fuckin’ A the bread I bake is delicious.  You know how Shireton is famous for its delicious bread?  That’s me.  I bake that.

Raiders best step the fuck off, is what I am saying.  (And not for the first time; my boyfriend lives in Oakland and sometimes we pretend that either of us gives a shit about American football, which is demonstrably untrue.)

[spoilers begin here]

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IF Comp ’14 – Gregor Holtz’s Sigmund’s Quest!

October 23, 2014

Note: Sigmund’s Quest is a working demo and does not (yet) contain any werewolves or incest. Sorry!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO DISAPPOINTED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE

[spoilers begin here]

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IF Comp ’14 – Alon Karmi & Glenn Parker’s Milk Party Palace!

October 22, 2014

Attempting to play this game has opened a Pandora’s box of plugins I need to update, because they are vulnerable.  Weren’t these the updated versions you told me to get to replace the old vulnerable plugins, Firefox?  Will the madness never cease?

Java tells me it is everywhere, even in my car.  You haven’t met my car, Java.  MS-DOS won’t even run in my car.  Sometimes my car won’t even run in my car.

OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE I DON’T WANT YOUR SEARCH BAR NO ONE WANTS YOUR SEARCH BAR

…sorry, I’ll just finish this up on my own quietly.

[spoilers begin here]

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