Pepsi-Cola Presents IF Comp ’13 – The Marino Family’s Mrs. Wobbles and the Tangerine House!

I don’t even know what to write in this pre-spoiler space anymore.  Maybe I should sell advertising.

This pre-spoiler space is brought to you by Pepsi.  Pepsi:  It’s All Right Until You Get Some In Your Mouth.

[spoilers begin here]

I am a magic book, and I have been alive for 500 years.
Whatever you say, magic book.  I know better than to argue with your kind.

ooh, I do not like ferrets. I met one once– a weaselly old fellow — took a liking to my leaves. Practically gnawed off my whole appendix. Ouch.
Did I ever tell you — I think I did — about the tiny hyperactive child who came down to the front desk when I was working nights at the hotel?  One of the many things she gleefully announced was that she had tricked her parents into thinking that caffeine calmed her down, when really it just made her more hyper.  She talked to me for hours.  I am reminded of her sometimes.  This is one of those times.

Every book has a nemesis, an obstacle, an antagonist, and mine is the wind, a particular wind named Santana, the devil wind.
That wind has some evil ways, all right.  It’s pretty supernatural.  Also, Low Rider.  Okay, I’m done.  Done being so smooth.

From her broad smile to the last winding curl of her longest dreadlock, mystery radiated from her outstretched arms, stretched wide to all children with the promise of warm fill-you-up-huggin’ love.
I am okay with impossibly perfect magic nannies in children’s stories, but I can’t help thinking that Mrs. Wobbles is angling real hard for an Oscar.  Also hugging, if done properly, should not fill you up.  Hugging is for external use only.

The game has charmed me by allowing me to EAT and FART, though.

…that “floor is lava” game takes on a new creepy edge when the floor actually is lava and it reminds the protagonists of the fire that orphaned them.  This game is pretty dark in spots.

Want to hear about that fire?
Not really!  I’m going to click the link anyway, though!

Well, that was cute enough, if really unfocused.  I was enjoying the lava story until it turned into an unwritten pirate story, then a place for me to sign up to receive updates about the unwritten pirate story.  My main complaint is that clicking on the 1000-meat pie link (which I am glad I clicked on because I got to EAT and FART) meant you didn’t get to investigate the poem on the wall.  That is not a terrible problem for a person to have, now that I am reading it all written out like that.

Also, the story suffered from an identity crisis, probably the result of being written by one grown-up and two kids.  It seemed like it was trying to be The Great Gilly Hopkins, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, and, crap, I should be able to name a children’s book with a big old mysterious sentient house.  I keep thinking of Chilly Willy, which was about a tiny man who lived in your fridge, and that’s not right at all.

I need to go mainline Ritalin now.  Be right back.