IF Comp ’12 – Emily Forand’s Valkyrie!

October 9, 2012

This game was authored by the guild, Valkyrie, three students enrolled in a Game-based Learning Developmental English course this Fall semester at Pikes Peak Community College in Colorado Springs, CO.
But what is it about?  Let us find out together, you and I!

[spoilers begin here]

We start out in a cemetery in the middle of a funeral.
I played this game four years ago.  There was a babby in it, and his name was Riverside.

Three months later: at the cemetery again. The redhead is in the front row holding
her foster mom’s hand while they grieve over the 6 year old that had died in his sleep of a
heart issue.

Choose what you have trained in
Mistress Thief

I trained in swordswomen.  All of ’em.  Eh, let’s go with Mistress Thief, because it sounds sexy.

I was summoned by Freya becuase she heard that I am the best mortal thief and she needed my assistance to get back her necklace that was stolen by Loki. The necklace is gold and encrusted with diamonds and amber and was broken down into multiple pieces. Freya has been looking into the necklace’s where abouts and believes that the necklace is being hidden in one of 2 places the underworld or earth.
Commas are a thing that exists except sometimes people forget that they do and then they write these long sentences without any commas and it gets a bit hard to read but hey I’m no expert on punctuation or anything so you don’t have to listen to me except sometimes I’m right but I mean it’s no big deal or anything how was your day.

Am I the 17-year-old redhead that people keep dying around?  Does that have a thing to do with a thing?

As I opened the door a massive orc turns and look me dead in the eye, after a moment he points at me and lifts a club
Well, the good news is, we found a comma.  The bad news is, we had to sacrifice a period to keep it alive.  Your English teacher never taught you the harsh truth about grammar because she didn’t want you to cry and shit yourself.  You looked like a kid who would cry and shit themselves.  I’ve seen pictures.

AS you open the door you hear a small click sound and the ast thing you see is a gigantic ball of fire engulf you, the fire reaches the closest room to the cave entrance egniting the gas blowing up the entire cave and sealing the entrance up.
Counting the errors in this sentence made me cry and shit myself.

As you enter the restaurant and warmly greet the occupants a dead silence falls over the room, which is only broken when Loki jumps to his feel and shouts, “Kill him!”
Him?  I am a Mistress Thief.  Also, what restaurant?

What does any of this have to do with, you know, any of this?  Are you not going to explain the bit with the dead people?  Do I need to play through as the other two classes?  Why didn’t you get anyone to proofread?  What kind of grade did these kids get?  How old are they?  How much of an ass, numerically, am I being right now?

Okay, the wizardess part is better.  I mean, it has more punctuation.  It is better at having punctuation.  The paragraphs get a little long, though.  I mean, they have a lot of sentences in them.  These sentences are pretty short.  I also mean there could be paragraph breaks.  Visually it’s just a little much.  I do appreciate the commas, however.  Commas make things much more readable.  It is becoming harder to come up with sentences to give a sense of how these paragraphs could stand to be broken up more.  Also, I am starting to feel like a jerk.  I will stop now.  Now I will stop.

I am pretty sure Odin and Freya were not married to each other.  Wait, I forgot to shove my glasses up my nose before saying that.  One second.  I think you’ll find that Odin and Freya were not married to each other.  Let’s see how much more of a douche we can be about these kids’ school project.  Maybe we can convince them never to make another game.  At least one of them is a chick, and there are far too many of them making games, am I right?  This is sarcasm.  This is what that looks like.  It’s real pretty.  That was also sarcasm.

You live out the rest of your days sorcering for the king.
I love this sentence.  I love brand new verbs.  And if you’re going to sorcer for anybody, it might as well be the king, right?

Oh, okay, the swordswomen part is the most readable and actually connected to the introduction and the name of the game.  There is also much more of it.  I am picturing these kids sitting around a weird hexagonal liberal arts school table with a fake wood top.

“So, do you guys want to do my valkyrie idea?  I’ve already got a lot written for it but it’s cool if you guys want to do something else.  I’m totally down to hear your suggestions.”
“Nah, that’s cool, let’s just do your thing.”
“Okay, great!  I’ll send you each a PDF of the character bible.  Just think of it as a guideline, I don’t want to stifle you.  Oh, a lot of Fenrir’s backstory is going to change, but that’s not really the focus so we don’t have to get into it.  Don’t feel insulted by the quick reference chart I threw in there.  I know you guys are up on your Norse mythology; that’s for me.  Sometimes I get Sigrun and Brunhild confused.  Ha ha!  I know, right?”
(the other two’s heads explode)

Midgard is Earth and Loki pretends to be an Italian Mob Boss in Chicago.
Oh.  That would explain what restaurant.  Man, there are some crazy awesome foodie restaurants in that town.  I visited friends there recently and got bison meatloaf sliders on pretzel buns with orange chipotle juniper sauce.  I was like “Jesus Christ, what is this ridiculous business and how fast can I get it into my face?”

The only limit I have found is that of my imagination.
Best limit possible.

We take a table in the back, order a deep dish pizza, and pull out the building plans.
See, that is what you do when you’re in Chicago, eat a deep dish pizza.  My friends were like “We are so sick of deep dish pizza and it’s expensive considering how not actually very good it is but hey if you really want one” and I was like “Yeah.  I do.  I’m in fucking Chicago and I want a deep dish pizza.  Suck it, people who are my friends.”  (It is rare that I am this much of an asshole when not on the internet, but I think I’ve earned one or two instances.)

Back up all the toilets and wa-la.
Voila.  It is French.  It comes from voir, to see, and la, there.  At least, I assume that’s what you’re going for?  Man, this game could of used proofreaded.

“That sounds good to me. I am done with the stench.”
“Thank goddess, can we drop these illusions? They make my eyes itch.” I ask.
Man, it is going to be hard choosing a favorite line from this game.  I think I’ve gotta go with sorcering for the king.

Yeah.  Man.  That could have been a lot better, but one of the team members gets an A for effort, and the others get a certain amount of sympathetic underdog points.  I hope this project was actually returned to them with red ink all over it so that learning happened, because man were there a lot of typos, spelling errors, grammar issues, and general awkwardness in sentence construction.  But, y’know, kids and school and learning and whatnot.

Yes.  Okay.  I have fucking gone soft.  I admit it.  I have gone all limp and pillowy and am nigh useless to the interactive fiction community.  Oh, wait, these were college kids?  Goddammit, college kids, learn to sentences!  Jesus Christ!

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