IF Comp ’10 – Hannes Schueller’s Ninja’s Fate!

October 4, 2010

Hannes Schueller gave us last year’s The Believable Adventures of An Invisible Man, which drove me nuts in a lot of ways but was fairly memorable.  I tell people about it sometimes while I’m eating pizza.  Plus I heard that dude came out with a post-comp release that actually addressed a lot of the game’s issues, which is a thing I find cool and impressive, so there we are.

Let’s play a game about ninjas now.

[spoilers slipped in under the cover of night and started ages ago]

Huh, it’s a Paul Allen Panks tribute game.  I have heard about Panks here and there but have never played anything by him, and therefore lack a crucial frame of reference for this game.  Hopefully that won’t matter.

Oh, Matt beta-tested it.  Hi Matt!

Okay, so I’m a ninja, and I have to steal back this idol that was taken from my village.  I should probably also pee on something, or key somebody’s car.  That’ll learn ’em to steal idols from a ninja village, although frankly, they should know that already.  Sheesh.

All right, I have a grappling hook.  What verb do I want to attach it to something on this roof and lower myself down through the trapdoor (which, in “typical Western arrogance,” was not locked?)  It’s a mystery to everyone!  Oh, good, ATTACH HOOK TO TRAPDOOR worked.

>x bust
It is the head of a man in his early 30s. A plaque is affixed below. Western people usually want to indicate reverence with this kind of thing, so this must be the image of a very important person.
[Your score has just gone up by two hundred and three points.]

I laughed.  And then I laughed again, a minute later, when the power emanating from the dragon playing computer games in the idol room made me forget how you climb a tree.  I mean, say what you will about sense-making, but it sure was novel.

Oh, huh, plus you don’t want to stand on the pedestal or you’ll turn into clay and have to live in the museum forever.  That would suck.  Good thing there’s UNDO.

Who’s got two thumbs and just earned ten thousand points for painting a wall?

Dude!  Fuckers just unpainted my wall!  And took my ten thousand points away!  That is not cool!

>read sign
Which do you mean, the exit sign or the sign?
Oh for fuck’s sake.

>x maze
Oh, no! A maze! You hate them!
Unsubtle, but true.

So I’m running around this series of rooms slashing aggressive visions with my katana while I wait for destiny to kick in and inspire me to choose the life of a ninja statue.  I think.  I am not sure how to feel about this whole game on multiple levels.

Why are there two ninja rooms?

Okay, found ending 1, In Which A Ninja Embraces Her Destiny, I Guess, Or So They Tell Her.  Think I’m’a check the hints to find the other four.  Oh, huh, okay.  Well.  Hmm.

As a favor to my sanity, I’m going to assume that the author had the purest, most reverential intentions in making this game, and just say that, yeah, wow, that certainly was a thing all right, huh.


  1. Jealous that you figured out how to make the grappling hook work. I’m a terrible ninja.

  2. Hi Jenni!

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