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CGDC #7 – Anthony Schuster’s I Expect You To Die!

February 20, 2010

Every time I am listening to the James Bond theme song as remixed by Moby and hear the exchange “Do you expect me to talk?”  “No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die,” I chuckle quietly to myself.  Wait, that’s not an interesting story at all.

Every time I am listening to the James Bond theme song as remixed by Moby and hear the exchange “Do you expect me to talk?”  “No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die,” a small yellow planet on the outskirts of a solar system far from our own reverses the direction of its rotation, and the umbrella trees bloom or unbloom as they see fit.  This signals the inhabitants, descendants of a space mission from the future destined to go horribly awry, that it is time to select a new mate.  First, they all take their pants off and toss them onto a heap in the town square, then everyone selects a new pair more or less at random (the actual procedure is super-complicated) and searches for the person wearing a matching pair.  Then everyone takes their pants off again, sets them on fire, and has sex with their cousin.

[spoilers begin here]

Oooh, auto-undo!  I like this, especially if I’m expected to die.

Man, I have one turn to figure out how to put the handle back on this wardrobe.  FIX doesn’t work.  ATTACH tells me I would achieve nothing.  I’m frustrated already, and would prefer to go back in time to before I broke the wardrobe so I could reread exactly how I’d broken it.

Oh, okay, I bend down to pick up the handle and… wait, you would think I would bend down to pick up the handle and the spear would whoosh right over me.  Instead, I bend down to pick up the handle, hear a beep from the south, go south, and the spear goes whoosh where I used to be.  If I do anything other than pick up the handle, the alarm clock doesn’t beep, and I’m killed by the spear.  How do the wardrobe mechanism and the alarm clock know I didn’t pick up the handle?

The Baron’s tricked me into playing his CGDC #7 entry!  How eeeeevil!

Oh, man, I made it out, but I was a robot, and they deactivated me.  Now I’m playing as one of the Baron’s henchmen and have to put everything back the way it was.  I certainly hope he pays me enough for this.

Look, I want to put the fishing pole back in the secret compartment behind the tank, all right?  What do I type to be allowed to do that?

Cheating.  Oh, I see, I’m not supposed to put it back yet.  Perhaps there could be some sort of message to that effect?

Yay!  I’ve been promoted to #2!  I get an eyepatch and a cat!

That was pretty fun, if kind of slight.  Could have been a bit more and a bit tidier, but I was entertained for as long as it lasted.

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