CGDC #7 – HermDog’s Drama Queen 7: Mother Knows Best!

February 15, 2010

Man, got 22 of these things left.  When’s judging end?  Shit, in a week?  I am so fucked.

Pressing on!  We will have the one with the vaguely Amish-looking dude!  No time for RSS buffer!  No time for anything!  I cannot be ass-goblining around if I want to get these all played and have time to study for my Japanese class!*

* It’s going well.  I can say “what’s that over there?  Is it a fruit?”

[spoilers begin here]

I am a secret agent strapped to a bed being experimented on.  Since we’re in such a time crunch, I’ll leave it as an exercise to you the reader to determine the optimal punchline to that sentence.  (If you’re unsure how to do that, start with “Is it Thursday already?” and go from there.)

A strange memory of how I used my head to get out of difficult situations crosses my mind, but how do I remember it?  REMEMBER doesn’t work, THINK gives me a default response, REMEMBER MEMORY just gets me well-justified looks of withering disdain.  Maybe I’m not supposed to remember it.  Maybe that’s all I get.

Oh, it just comes to you after a while, that you used to win all the spitting competitions in school.  (The idea of a school holding spitting competitions is pretty funny.)

Two games in a row now that something has been ringing and when I try to answer it, the game assumes I want to answer a nearby NPC (thing that is ringing).  How the hell else do you answer a thing?  TALK INTO?  No?

Oh, shit, angry guy just woke up and punched the crap out of me.  Better tie him up or something.

…yeah, there are totally so many obvious ways to do that.  In real life I could probably strap him down on this bed I was just strapped into, but that isn’t happening.  Maybe it’s the shoe-phone ringing that wakes him up?

> kill man
That would serve no purpose.
Except for, y’know, keeping him from killing me a few turns from now?

Huh, TAKE ALL includes the stuff in the suit’s secret compartment, whether I’ve found it or not.

Oh, I can restrain the man, I just need to type RESTRAIN MAN!  That could be better hinted.  Like, the bed isn’t even in the room description.  When I examine it, it has the same description as it did when I was strapped to it.

> call mom
Like a good son you call your mother.
… and then what happens?

Oh, man, turns out my true love was in this facility and I just got both her and Sydney Bristow killed!  Who knew?  Man I’m bummed now.  Oh, wait, UNDO exists.

Chuck was much more helpful!  Now I know how to access the files on this computer!  My, there certainly are a lot of files on this computer!

Note:  the gas will only explode when it comes into contact with oxygen.
Good thing there’s not a lot of that around!

Oops, I seem to have negated the existence of this pen.  I should probably save this game fairly often.

Wow, I killed Goldtooth by feeding him sauerkraut!  I am awesome!

… being dead doesn’t stop him eating my pies, though.  What a formidable enemy!  What a buggy game!

Not sure what this board does, or where I’m supposed to get some of these ingredients.  Hmm.

Huh.  Thanks, commenters!  (No hint system in this game, which means I’m way more likely to resort to the walkthrough and enjoy the game less for having done so.)  This new board thingy looks all complicated, and I’m still not sure where to get carbon.  Cheating.  Oh, okay, burn some paper, that makes sense.  (I never made it as far as chemistry in high school.  Kept failing biology.  The DNA unit was fun, but man do I ever not want to know what goes on inside a frog.)

Oh, all right, I have access to the ventilation system in every room, and can make some gases to either rust the shit out of shit or kill the shit out of dudes!  (Must be careful not to accidentally murder girlfriend.  Write this on Post-It.)

Um, huh?  How did I break the beaker?  Did I spend too long fucking around with the map?  Maybe I only get one press of the fan button?

You can listen to her breath all day.
How romantic!

If I go up the stairs without having gotten Sleeping Beauty’s door open, it still tells me I’ve escaped with my true love.

You open the prison door and find Agent Sleeping Beauty.  She is enamoured to see you.  First things first, you decide to tell her of your undying love for her.  She is ecstatic and gives you a passionate kiss.  She will never leave your side again.
That went well.

If you call Austin Powers after killing Goldtooth, the latter is still mobile enough to give the former a huge pile of money.

Well, that was cute, and the puzzles were pretty fun, but it could’ve used some testing and a lot more attention to detail.  (I’m not even mentioning the spelling.)  But yeah, for a game with a fair number of issues and no hint system, I enjoyed it.

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