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CGDC #7 – Team Abstract Cloud’s The Zeroeth Dimension!

February 14, 2010

What happens when fictional protagonist Zakarius Novemus lives within “The Zeroeth Dimension” until everything starts changing?  Event of my life, all the time, the virtual dimension Zakarius Novemus “Zeroeth series,” do you want to save changes?  These are the questions we must ask ourselves, even though we do not know the answers!

I am wondering whether Zakarius Novemus is a fictional protagonist in the sense of being the star of this game, or a fictional protagonist inside the game, a la whoever that guy was Will Ferrell played in that one movie, the one where he played a fictional protagonist.  Only one way to find out!

(…oh, dude, just got my Valentine’s present proper.  Check this shit out, especially the bit where it says “customers who bought this item also bought Rampaging Fuckers of Everything on the Crazy Shitting Planet of the Vomit Atmosphere.”  There is a whole world of literature I never knew existed!)

[spoilers begin here]

Well, he knows he’s a fictional protagonist, at least.  Self-awareness is the first step on the road to mental health.

> x fridge
You don’t see anything expected of the fridge.
Oooh, was this game machine-translated?  I love machine translations!  Let us celebrate with a brace of Kippersville!

> x knife
“Hi, I’m a very non-logical knife”.
YOU ARE SO CUTE

…the microwave is locked?  Who the hell even manufactures lockable microwaves?  Non-logical knife, do you know?

You don’t see anything expected of the fridge.
I have taken all the items in the fridge.
Oh, so you have, all surreptitious-like.  Good man.

> x cake
I know what you’re thinking.
Well, yeah, I’m thinking about cake.  Not a day goes by when I don’t think about cake.  Right now I’m thinking about cake that’s wearing a bra.  Now I’m thinking about cake falling on the head of a tyrant ruler, freeing a race of lizard people to go peacefully about their jobs as auto mechanics.  Now I’m thinking about triple chocolate tiger cake from Fry’s and I’m eating it and it’s going in my mouth.  Now I’m thinking about sex.  You’re probably better off not knowing what I’m thinking, is what I’m getting at here.

> remove pants
It’s what holds my source code together.
That’s a new one!

Um, what am I supposed to be doing?  The guy on the TV won’t tell me anything new.  Should I unlock the microwave?

Got some points for singing, jumping, repeatedly bashing my head against walls, but I’m starting to get bored without some kind of clear goal or direction.

…at some point I was supposed to stop X TVing and X AD?  How was I supposed to know this?

This?  Is a weird game.

Well, I got the microwave unlocked!  Now to put things from the list in it!

> wrench tv
This would be fun, SMASH!
Um, I don’t think that’s how wrenches are supposed to work.  Oh well, I did get a monitor out of it.  Guessing there shouldn’t be both a broken TV and a TV visible in this room, though.

Huh, I managed to put the wall inside the microwave.  Go me?

…where’d that food go?

Having ish trying to get everything properly inside the microwave.  Gonna type in commands directly from the walkthrough.

…the walkthrough is missing some steps.  That is not a good sign.

Oh, the microwave wanted specifically metal straws and a metal plate?  It could have specified!

WRENCH PHILLIP does not seem to be working.  Either I WAIT, and he stabs me with a knife before I get to take another action, or I WRENCH PHILLIP and am told I can’t see that there.  I’m at the point with this game where I would rather be reading Ass Goblins of Auschwitz, I think.  Wow, what a bumper sticker that would be.

Upshot:  Weird, weird game.  Not without a particular charm, but man did it have some ish.

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