IF Comp ’08 Review – Rick Dague’s The Lucubrator!

October 4, 2008

As mentioned in the previous review, I hate this game already for being called The Lucubrator, although that’s probably my own fault for not knowing what a lucubrator is. Perhaps if you grow up in a certain part of the world you’re surrounded by lucubrators from a very early age and casually referencing them does not seem at all pretentious. I do feel justified in hating the game’s second sentence, however: “Blinking, the flowing slows.” This is a terrible sentence. It’s possible that Rick Dague is a very lovely person and kind to kittens and the homeless and I am just being unnecessarily mean here but goddamn is that a terrible sentence.

Well, if nothing else, I got to perform an action without being thanked for commenting. Watch and learn, Harry Wilson’s Lair of the CyberCow!

[spoilers begin here]

I’m strapped to a table but still managed to open a door. I am awesome. It’s probably a garage door and I swallowed the opener.

Yes, I know that someone is walking in the hallway outside the door. I’m looking at shit. Any minute now they’re probably going to come in and do horrible things to me and I will be all “well, I’m sorry, I was looking at shit!” Maybe I should close the door.

You jump on the spot, fruitlessly. I’m still strapped to the table. I am so very awesome.

That’s not a verb I recognize.

Oh, wow, that shadow the game’s been telling me about forever? I should examine that. Have I mentioned I am awesome?

His hair touchs my breasts? I don’t think I want this dude’s hair touchng my breasts. Although this is a tumblr blog, so sure, why not. Breast touchng for everybdy!

You lie there while the man talks, trying to get his attention, but he only looks at you like you’re a specimen. A thing.
Um, yeah, it’s called “being female.” (I’m mostly kidding.)

What do you mean I can’t cut the bitch?

Hey, wait, how did I get that hand free again? Oh well.

For a few moments, we stand there without moving. Wait, we? Jeff is the narrator? Are you sure I can’t cut him?

Then the man takes a deep breath, making a decision. “So what’s going to happen now is that my boss will be here soon. Maybe fifteen minutes,” he thinks aloud, “And he won’t like seeing Alice walking around waving a large cutting tool. Therefore it would be a good idea to get the tool out of her hands and strap her back on the exam table.”

…I have decided that this is a very silly game. Very silly indeed. I am now going to look up the meaning of the word “lucubrator.”

Lu”cu*bra`tor, n. One who studies by night; also, one who produces lucubrations.

And this was Rick Dague’s The Lucubrator! Thank you!

Update: Riff is playing this now and enjoying it. It’s entirely likely that I didn’t give it a fair chance. You’re probably all supposed to take it seriously and not find it silly, that sort of thing. I will get right on that, but first I have to lucubrate on down to the lucubratorium in the Lucubrobile and lucubrenerate some lucubruquidity.


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