Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

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IF Comp ’13 – Andrew Schultz’s Threediopolis!

March 12, 2014

Against all odds, here is a last year’s comp game review!  Cue this music, which always makes me feel like I’m returning triumphantly from something.  We got the Megatome & we are the smartest.

[spoilers begin here; self-fellationation also ends here; fellationation is totally a word; witness my new book Fellatio Nation]

[anyway]

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Pepsi-Cola Presents IF Comp ’13 – The Marino Family’s Mrs. Wobbles and the Tangerine House!

November 15, 2013

I don’t even know what to write in this pre-spoiler space anymore.  Maybe I should sell advertising.

This pre-spoiler space is brought to you by Pepsi.  Pepsi:  It’s All Right Until You Get Some In Your Mouth.

[spoilers begin here]

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A quick status update.

November 15, 2013

You guys have probably already figured out that I’m not going to finish reviewing IF Comp games within the judging period.  I feel less shame about this than usual, but also a greater desire to not be a gender-non-specific pussy and actually finish reviewing the games outside the judging period.  I am telling you guys this so that when I inevitably review one or two more games and then fall off the truck, this declaration of motivation makes my failure even sadder in retrospect, like the Mars part of Photopia.  Which I at one point intended to write a big long thing about but laziness makes fools of us all.

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IF Comp ’13 – Georgiana Bourbonnais’ Imposter Syndrome!

October 23, 2013

You’re giving a talk at a big important tech conference. But do you really deserve to be here, or were you selected just to fill a diversity quota?
This is the most insecure-sounding game premise I have encountered since the one in ’08 where all you did was have social anxiety disorder.

[spoilers begin here]

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Cats Having Sex With Dogs

October 18, 2013

Okay, so it’s just the one cat, and the one dog.  I didn’t really feel like googleimaging too hard and I figured no one else really wanted me to either.

[This is probably gonna be NSFW.]

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IF Comp ’13 – Brendan Patrick Hennessy’s Bell Park, Youth Detective!

October 1, 2013

A headstrong twelve-year-old detective gets in over her head when she’s hired to solve a murder mystery at an internet technology conference.

That is a great blurb.  I am sold.  Why does Brendan Patrick Hennessy sound familiar OH MY GOD IT’S THE YOU WILL SELECT A DECISION GUY I LOVED YOU WILL SELECT A DECISION

enough talk we are playing this

[spoilers begin here]

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IF Comp ’13 – Pierre Chevalier’s 100,000 years

October 1, 2013

the longest short story ever

Not sure what to expect, but if I’m not interested in this game by the 20,000 year mark, I’m quitting.

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Macrame Game Depository

July 11, 2013

This is a list of playable builds of games written for the collaborative chain-letter Twine thing that I can’t decide if just Macrame or Project Macrame is a better name for.  Macrame on its own has a confident ring to it, like someone who knows what the hell they are doing in life said “I have made this thing and named it; it is done.”  Maybe somebody who works for Apple.

On the other hand, Project Macrame sounds like a badass super secret spy mission.  So I don’t know.

Anyway!  You are here for games!  There are not many yet, but the not many there are is pretty good for something so larval and wiggly.

Autobiography (Polodna/Jansen) 2
Eliza, Queen of the Wasteland (Odhner/Ermer) 2
Escape From Cthulhu! (Jansen/Cox) 2
Escape From Cthulhu! (Jansen/Welch) 2
rain rain crops (Cox/Bowman) 2
rain rain crops (Cox/Polodna/Odhner) 3 2

For your convenience, here is a playable build of every seed in the dropbox:

Autobiography
Caelum Incognitum
Dungeons of Death
Eliza, Queen of the Wasteland
Escape From Cthulhu!
rain rain crops

And here is a link to the forum!

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Let’s All Twine Together! It’ll Be Awesome!

July 10, 2013

(New:  Games have been submitted!  They are still tiny, but they are playable here.)

I have rulified a chain-letter system for collaboratively writing Twine games.  If I were Jason Rohrer, this would constitute a metaphor for mortality and I would win some sort of award.  I am kind of glad I am not Jason Rohrer, because frankly it’s got to be exhausting making metaphors for mortality and winning awards all the time, although I do like meadows.

This is a link to a dropbox folder containing the blank template file with instructions (if you want to start your own story) and, eventually, a bunch of beginnings of stories (if you don’t).  This is a spreadsheet directory of the files in the dropbox.

Download Twine here.  Read the documentation here.  Check out Porpentine’s Twine resources here.

Instructions after the jump, for your convenience.

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So, I feel weird about this, but.

May 4, 2013

I have been learning about ebooks.  If, while I was doing that, you were busily harboring a secret desire to give me money for my bullshit, your chance has come.  (It’s pay-what-you-want, because probably your secret desire is to give me and my bullshit the smallest amount of money possible, and I fully support you in that.)

My practice ebook took six hours to write.  It’s quite short, and wildly uneven in quality.  Mostly about poop, and Peach & Mario’s sex life.  There are nonsensical instructions on how to make a dragon out of fish, and really skinny eyebrows for the moon.  There’s a guy called Harpsichordus Repairmagnet and the almost-adventures of Waffles the gentleman thief for whom I was too tired to actually write any adventures.  It might be worth a dollar, if you are the kind of person who runs around the zoo throwing dollars at ostriches.  It is probably definitely worth at least less than that.

Anyway, it’s a thing.

We shall never speak of it again.

(Update:  Well, damn, someone bought the thing at the ostrich price.  I’m up 56 cents!)

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