CGDC #7 – Baltasar’s Survive!

I’ll be honest right away here:  I’m not expecting to enjoy this game.  Survival is the theme of most nightmares I have, and it sucks, right?  I will demonstrate why with this flowchart.

Also, according to the blurb, I have been Captured By the Enemy.  I’m not a huge fan of even having enemies, and I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t want to be captured by one.  Plus the picture has a train in it, which makes me think we’re talking WWII here, and that is so not my favorite war.  (I don’t have a favorite war.  My favorite WAR song is Spill the Wine, though, if that helps.)

Basically I am not expecting this game to be a good time, is what I’m saying.  Only one way to find out, though!

Note:  If you play this, try the Flash version, as the Javascript version is teh broke.

Update:  The Flash version is also not the least broken thing in the world.  I was unable to finish.

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CGDC #7 – Torgrim Mellum Stene’s Lurid Dreams!

Torgrim Mellum Stene has got to be an anagram for something.  Let’s plug it into the Internet Anagram Server…

First result:  EMERGENT MILL TUMORS.  That’s awesome. Poor mill.

For the RSS buffer:  I’ve been playing a little Mass Effect 2.  I think I’d like the combat more with a targeting system like Fallout 3′s (playing on a console; apparently it’s less of a pain on a PC), and I can’t think of a single game that’s been more fun for having limited ammo, but the writing is just absolutely fantastic.  I was walking around the Citadel (where every store is my favorite store, because endorsing them gets you Goodness Points and a discount) and overheard a couple discussing what souvenir to get.  Paraphrased:

“What’s a fish got to do with the Citadel?  Besides, it’ll die in a couple years anyway.”
“The point is to enjoy the time you spend with the fish.”
“Is this the lifespan talk again?  I am not having the lifespan talk!”

Even more fascinating than eavesdropping on strangers in real life!

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CGDC #7 – Grey’s Critical Breach!

I’ve told myself I’m not allowed to play the Miles Edgeworth game until I’m done reviewing CGDC games.  Not only will this motivate me to finish, but the next fourteen reviews will be very easy to write, as each one will consist entirely of “Waaaaah!  There’s no lawyers in this game!  I want to play the Miles Edgeworth game!  I want to spray Luminol on something!”

Anyway!  Critical Breach!  This one bills itself as a science fiction/horror game, so I figure I’d better play it while it’s still sort of daytime, because, to quote something I read in a chatroom one time, “horror scares me.”

Also, huh, I’m checking my blog stats like people do, and one of you got here searching for “when fuked sill brocken.”  What does that even mean?

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CGDC #7 – Eleanor Gang and Simon Smart’s The Cube!

Halfway through!  Let’s do another.  This one claims to be a light-hearted journey through space and relative dimensions, which is okay by me, as long as I’m not expected to know any science, because I don’t.

    	 _________________________
        / _____________________  /|
       / / ___________________/ / |
      / / /| |               / /  |
     / / / | |              / / . |
    / / /| | |             / / /| |
   / / / | | |            / / / | |
  / / /  | | |           / / /| | |
 / /_/__________________/ / / | | |
/________________________/ /  | | |
| ______________________ | |  | | |
| | |    | | |_________| | |__| | |
| | |    | |___________| | |____| |
| | |   / / ___________| | |_  / /
| | |  / / /           | | |/ / /
| | | / / /            | | | / /
| | |/ / /             | | |/ /
| | | / /              | | ' /
| | |/_/_______________| |  /
| |____________________| | /
|________________________|/

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CGDC #7 – M27′s Escape Into Fiction!

Here’s one about being trapped in a library.  I have nothing to say about being trapped in a library.  Better go with more ASCII art.

        (~'~~'~~'~~)
         |        |  What's wrong, Dogbert?
         |        |    /
         |       ~|~                         _ __
         |-------())                        ||  | 
         (        _)                      .'~\  /. I'm a horrible ascii
         |        |                     ()()--\/ ". /  drawing!
         |        |                      0        "
         ''..     |                     :     //  |
         |'..'---_/\                    :    ()   |
        /    ''---|| /\                 '.       ."
       /     \    \\/\/                   "..  ."\\
       |  \  /     \_/                      || |  ^
       |   \/\\    | \                     ((__)      -abg

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CGDC #7 – Jim Aikin’s Heavenly!

Going for something light and fluffy-looking ’cause it’s the middle of the night, and I don’t want to start worrying about… nope, too late, I’m already worried about it.  I guess there’s not anything I would actually be able to do about it, so that’s some consolation.  Maybe start carrying around a pair of chopsticks.

Anyway, this looks like a nice non-creepy game about some really bored angels.  Hopefully in this one you don’t have to get off and on a pig all the goddamn time like you did in Jim Aikin’s last game.  I hated getting on and off that pig.  I hated it so much that I’ve stopped getting on and off pigs in real life.

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CGDC #7 – Dan Efran’s Ka!

You know, the one he pahked in Hahvahd Yahd.  (I am so so sorry.)

Anyway, if I knock off a couple more of these tonight (by which I of course mean craft them lovingly and carefully for your optimum reading enjoyment), I might have time to do some homework tomorrow.  (Riff went and got himself food-poisoned, so there won’t be any cooing at each other like turtledoves or whatever the fuck it is people do on Valentine’s Day.  This is probably for the best, as I suspect neither of us is a natural cooer.  Shit, I can’t even roll my Rs.)

So I figure we might as well have another game about the afterlife!  Yay, games about the afterlife!

Wanna go for a wide in my hot wad?

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CGDC #7 – Branden Rishel and Daphne Gabrieli’s The Usher!

Man, the naked-rock-climber calendar in the bathroom is so weird.  All right, what’s next?  Leading a dead queen to the afterlife?  I could do that.  Then once I’ve done it, I’ll be able to put it on job applications.

Man, it’d be awesome if you could list all the shit you’d done in IF games as legitimate qualifications.  “Well, I’ve worked as a city sanitarian, performed a C-section on a dog, can scale rock walls really easily as long as they’re not wet, am well-versed in several types of magic including the Lavori d’Aracne, have discovered a formula to turn humans invisible, and know how to drive a giant mechanical alligator.  Don’t even insinuate I can’t handle assistant-managing your little sandwich shop.  I could manage your sandwich shop with my face cut off.”  Actually, maybe it’s not a good idea to say that to an interviewer, lest they cut your face off.

Anyway!  The Usher!

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CGDC #7 – L. E. Hall’s The Manor At Whitby!

Like many Americans, I’m fond of things involving English country manors.  No one ever invites us over to shoot a brace of pheasants or play croquet with amusing young men from the Foreign Office, and it’s a lack we feel most acutely, lemme tell you.  I would have made a very good useless aristocrat.  Perhaps I’ll start listing that under “skills” on job applications.

Anyway!  Manor at Whitby!  Got a lot of games to get through!  Let’s go, people!  Spit spot!  Wait, spit spot?  Is that actually what Mary Poppins was saying all this time, spit spot?  That’s disgusting!

Are wa nan desu ka.  Kudamono desu ka.

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CGDC #7 – HermDog’s Drama Queen 7: Mother Knows Best!

Man, got 22 of these things left.  When’s judging end?  Shit, in a week?  I am so fucked.

Pressing on!  We will have the one with the vaguely Amish-looking dude!  No time for RSS buffer!  No time for anything!  I cannot be ass-goblining around if I want to get these all played and have time to study for my Japanese class!*

* It’s going well.  I can say “what’s that over there?  Is it a fruit?”

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