IF Comp '12 - Robert DeFord's The Sealed Room!

The name Robert DeFord makes me feel like I am a failure at raising chickens.  Let’s see if we can hatch any new associations with it.  Oh ho ho I made a chicken joke!  Hey, which one of these games do you think he wrote first?  Get it?  Which came first?

I am on fucking fire tonight.  If I were a chicken, I would be fully cooked and delicious by now.  Wait.  I just made myself hungry by imagining that I was a delicious chicken.  That’s kind of messed up.

[spoilers begin here]

He fingers two of these charms, a unicorn and a dragon, as he starts speaking in a low voice:
” Let this man know my arcane chambers. [...]“
This is generally the point at which I call the cops.

> ask dragon about dragons
 ”Dragons are good people.”
I suspect bias.

The wizard who cast it has great power, that’s for sure.
> ask unicorn about wizard
The word ‘wizard’ is not used in this game.
Lies!  Bold faced lies!

Okay, this cracked me up:
> ask unicorn about myself
“I don’t know you very well, but based on what I’ve seen so far, you appear to be a intelligent, sensitive person who is a bit confused by all that’s happened.”
> ask dragon about myself
“You seem like you don’t know your butt from a loaf of bread.”

> eat butt
The word ‘butt’ is not used in this game.

Uh.  I asked the unicorn about help, and he offered me a small purse or beef jerky, but I had no idea what the correct command to take them was, so I think I missed out?  Oh, no, you can still ask him for them.  Confusing!

A mouth materializes in the middle of the dark patch. “I must have payment!” the mouth says. “Put the right two gold items into my slot and I will be open.”
Things keep getting sexy tonight.  I guess it’s just one of those nights.

Well, that was a thing.  A short thing.  It wasn’t particularly broken that I noticed.  Got confused once, had a nice laugh, made it to the end, moving on with my life.

I mean, if that’s all right with everybody.  I could stay here and make more chicken jokes.